VONRAT
SeoLuv: Why did you decide to do an interview now after all of these years ?
VonRat: Because I am beyond the statute of limitations and out of the jurisdiction.
SeoLuv: Why did you expatriate?
VonRat: Because I got tired of living with Gloria Stienems strap on cock up my ass.
SeoLuv: How many kids do you have?
VonRat: I don’t know, do you?
SeoLuv: Did you know MC Hammer when you worked at the NSA?
VonRat: You wanna talk about the Customer? Come on Luv.
SeoLuv: Did you do Contract Crypto for the Vatican?
VonRat: Ummm. Long pause.
SeoLuv: K we skip that one.
SeoLuv: Inoculate the body politic ?
VonRat: Yah. Right Phil !
SeoLuv: Tell our viewing audience about your equipment.
VonRat: What equipment?
SeoLuv Like your computer, laptop, cell phone that kind of stuff.
VonRat: I don’t own a computer or a laptop.
SeoLuv: So you’ve kinda come full circle then?
VonRat: What do you mean full circle?
SeoLuv: Well you didnt used to own even a digital watch back in the day right ?
VonRat: You are a piece of fukin work you know that Luv? Thats why da crew Luv you so because you are a real Renaissance man.Yah man you are the genuine article all right. HAH!
SeoLuv: Luv Klownz makin Luv Soundz. So?
VonRat: Fuk it. I was placed under Court Order when I was a Juvenile so what ?I by law could not own even a digital watch until I was 18.Happy now ? You really dig the irony don’t you Luv?
SeoLuv: Holding back laughing.
VonRat: I never have thought about it that way, maybe your right. Ok I admit it. Yah your right I have come full circle.
SeoLuv: Why don’t you even own a laptop?
VonRat: I move around a lot and the brick got heavy so I dumped it. Besides I have found that I don’t really need it. If I want to work I just work it out.
SeoLuv: Where do you keep your files ?
VonRat: What files? If I need something I write it. I write equations on cocktail napkins and then watch them burn in ash trays.
SeoLuv: Cathartic ?
VonRat: 5150
SeoLuv: Is that the place where Mathematics becomes Philosophy ?
VonRat: Dont gimme dis beautiful mind haze Luv.
SeoLuv: SeoLuv shaking his head in disbelief.
VonRat: I’m tellin ya, I don’t need it.
SeoLuv: Not even a cell phone?
VonRat: I roll with sims then cut em in half n toss them off a bridge into the rivers or off a boat into the ocean. No cell.
SeoLuv: How are you gettin over these days.
VonRat: Odd Job
SeoLuv: Bursting out laughing.. Odd Job ? What the fak does that mean?
VonRat: It means I work for odd people sometimes and they pay me. Like you and dis recent sheit of yers. I have to admit, theres never dull moment wit u Luv.
SeoLuv: Coughing spilling coffee choking
VonRat: Don’t fakk with me Luv
SeoLuv: Ok ok … alpha dawg.
VonRat: There is no malice in my Jungle Luv.
SeoLuv: SeoLuv lights a cigarette coughing.
SeoLuv: Ok, of morality. Say a few words about Google.
VonRat: Sure. Google is boring! Few enough?
SeoLuv: Thats it?
VonRat: What else do you want me to say… yawns
SeoLuv: Well I don’t even get one of your infamous predictions with this lame ass interview or nuthin?
VonRat: Yawns again.
SeoLuv: U can recognize a hard working man when you see him can’t yah ?
VonRat: Ok Luv here’s what time it is. VonRat Predicts: SirGay will be convicted in the largest copyright infringement/intellectual property theft case in the History of the World and end up in a place where da bruthas r gonna tell him that they got his robots.txt file hangin so get me a candy bar bitch. Either that or he gets deported.
SeoLuv: Deported? But didn’t he become a naturalized citizen?
VonRat: They will Grand Father him out. It’s happened before.
SeoLuv: And Lavender Larry as you call him ? What’s gonna happen to him?
VonRat: He was born in the US so he will just have to pay up.
SeoLuv: Why do you think this is going to happen?
VonRat: It has nothing at all to do with copyright or intellectual property, it has everything to do with Homeland Security. The copyright case will just be the cover.
SeoLuv: Like your buddy?
VonRat: What the fuk Luv? I met BG one time and all you guys continue to haze me about him being my buddy.
SeoLuv: Well?
VonRat: Similar although it won’t be anti trust this time it will be copyright/intellectual property. They have him (BG) on board now don’t they ?
SeoLuv: MC Hammer ?
VonRat: He will continue to quietly go null to modem because E & da boyz can’t keep him house trained well enough to prevent him from lifting his leg on the California Kings in public.
SeoLuv: If this happens what do you think will happen to the Company?
VonRat: The US is already late to the party of Countries that presently perceive G to be a threat to their National Security. The Company could be Nationalized under the War Powers Act by the New Administration because it has become a “Real and Present Danger to the National Security of the United States of America.”
SeoLuv: Lets move on. How are all of your 21 year old girlfriends black jack ?
VonRat: I took a Chinese Cialis the other day and had a 1 and a 1/2 inch rigid hard on for 9 hours straight. I’m talkin a full shift man. I went into the bathroom and saw that my dick was crackling with veins. No shit. I actually got worried ! I had to take a piss bad and I couldn’t get it down so I just stood there and pissed straight up into the shower stall.
SeoLuv Howling Laughing Von I can’t publish that sheit.
VonRat: Why not? Google Video now has full uncensored XXX
SeoLuv: Really?
VonRat: Yah tis pretty wild watching de ol round eye grind with the Google logo right next to it. eheh
SeoLuv: NO ! Show me. Pause. Moments later. HOLY SHIT ! I’M SHOCKED ! SHOCKED I TELL YOU !
VonRat: Sure u r Luv. Right!
SeoLuv: Whoa ! I swear I have NEVER seen that before.
VonRat: I didn’t know you were such a prude Luv.
SeoLuv: Well but. Isn’t that illegal or something? What if ?
VonRat: Yawns
SeoLuv: I can see you are concerned.
VonRat: I feel your pain.
SeoLuv: Let’s take a break for a moment, this cant be for real.
VonRat: Happy Valentines Day
Tags: VONRAT